Bulging eyes are fixated on the life of an African bachelor to the wandering thoughts of strangers. There’s a silent question that growls louder with time. The question is a show of concern but with utmost disregard— highlighting a gross lack of respect towards a man’s privacy, choices and decision. Without clamouring for attention, the spotlight is shone lavishly to project why a man is single. That’s just how it is in Africa for the unmarried man.
Marriage is believed to complete a person. A single man is expected to get a wife once he’s considered grown up. The same goes for the female who is approaching 30 years of age. But the focus today is on the male who has to deal with sneering remarks and disrespect just because he is single.
Notwithstanding, bachelors, just like everyone, are entitled to go and have a good time when they find it is necessary or even without a reason. Most times, such outings are borne out of a need to feel the warmth of family, and it is no crime to rent a company if they want. Some may choose to go to a family relation of theirs to feel the needed warmth. If not, friends, take that role. Having reliable friends and family is a blessing as it creates variety.
Eating out at fancy restaurants is a healthy habit when it’s done once in a while. When done often, it can be termed ‘wasteful’ by unsolicited observers. And when a man is seen eating out alone often, external observers may begin to dissect him. They will wonder if he has a love life or if his life is just themed on working like a dog till he departs the world. It’s hardly a common sight for a man to walk into a cinema or public place without company. Africa is known for its communal living which creates room for intruders into any personal space.
It should be noted that bachelors would like to live life as they please and would want to enjoy the ‘luxuries’ that come with it. I mean, it is only fair to get some sort of compensation especially if a man is still waiting for some lines to fall in place before starting a family. Some bachelors want to live their life to the fullest and take their time before settling in. With so much running through their minds, they stay friends with their money, by enjoying the fruits of their labour. Sometimes, spending money on what others might consider frivolous might be a ploy derived or recommended in the battle to stay sane amidst the unending criticisms faced for being single.
Unfortunately, in Africa, it is not seen as normal for a man to be single after a certain age. The pressure begins to mount by the age of 35 and by 40, it becomes a prayer point. Questions bordering on sterility and spirit wife are quietly investigated by both the concerned and otherwise. There’s literally no peace for the African eligible bachelor.
Traditionally, Africans believe in population explosion— heeding to the biblical passage which reads, “go into the world and multiply”, even when a man clearly doesn’t have the resources to take care of the demanded offspring. Those who have decided to consider their realities before getting married or procreating, and those who may have decided not to want any of it are considered irresponsible. No matter the financial success of the African bachelor, he is never considered a model without a wife in traditional Africa.
By no means is it logical to call someone irresponsible based on a different outlook towards life. Even if a man doesn’t have a family of his own, he can still be a responsible son in his family and help out in the little ways he can. And most times, he even shoulders more responsibilities than some revered married men. At times like this, you have to feel for the African bachelor. All people want him to do is get married. Without that, he is regarded as a boy in the African circumference.