Reforming Traditional African Parenting

Before the penetration of Western cultures into the African fold, Africans did alright in their own right. They nurture kids the way they deemed fit and many offspring of theirs turned out okay. The patterns were simple, the man provides and the woman nurtures the home… setting up a gender role chart. Some activities or chores are seen as masculine while some others are termed feminine. The male child is taught the ways of the African man while the mother imprints her long-standing values on the daughters. The demarcation was of high reverence in the traditional African community.

Peaceful coexistence was possible because the way of life was accepted by all and condoned by even the party that may seem marginalised in the way roles were assigned. That’s talking about the marginalisation of the females and the emotional recklessness of the males. The way of life was a standard, fueling patriarchy while the females are made to fan the embers.

In recent times, things have taken a different toll. The concept of being humanist is sold. Fair enough, we should all be humanists. Having a feeling of empathy is refreshing considering what people had to go through in the absence of it. It is said that ‘those who know better will do better’ and that is the core of modernisation.

In revising how people have lived, it is considered that many fall below the now accepted mark, prompting the need for the enlightenment of the paths previously followed. Africans are now turning a leaf in parenting and in the process, doing away with toxic masculinity.

Basically, it was tough love between fathers and sons. There was no room to be mushy and teary no matter the circumstances. All pain was good. It was a thing of pride and a mark of honour. Also, the art of enduring pain was assumed to be a routine snack for every male who is expected to take a lot on the chin. The legacies of fathers are left ingrained in the training of the male child in ‘the ways of men’. By that, boys were seen as potential warriors who are expected to be the first and last lines of defence for their families. Any other subject remained secondary. Sex education, emotional intelligence, etc were to be learnt on the job in the journey of being an alpha male.

Patriarchy offers men a lot of privileges that are now seen as toxic. In gender wars, everyone tries to mark unhealthy territories, making it seem like the world belongs to a particular gender. ‘It’s a man’s world’ is a common phrase that was easily uttered without considering how women would interpret it. In essence, it’s saying that women were second-class citizens of the world or just mere tenants who have no say in the world of a man – which in itself is a violation of the right to freedom of speech.

With modernisation, came revised theories, beliefs and cultures. To which, we owe the positive mind shift of the African parenting styles which now allows men to cry and not bottle up every emotion as their forefathers did, also, men are being more helpful with a refined understanding in their homes, knowing that the job of a man doesn’t end up at being a provider and a defender for the family, which is paving a path for the total eradication of gender roles in the future.

Being empathetic is being human and not exclusive to a particular gender. The paradigm shift is a welcoming development that helps the traditional man to find the balance that helps fill his void. Every parenting style is unique and cherished by those who found value in it. With the learning of the varying nuances found in every child, there is a need for the parenting approach to be dynamic. It has become easier to bond with young minds as modern parents try to understand their wards and attend to their concerns rather than waving them like the norm of old. With effective communication practices borne from an introspective analysis of the current times, parents all over the world are scoring good points and making the process of raising children an experience like never before.